Introductory Workshop for Parents
How a skeptical father achieved significant progress in his child’s discipline through a small change in communication.
Initial situation
On a cold winter’s afternoon, only a few participants came to the introductory workshop. Small groups can be very productive, so I didn’t worry about it. I noticed how one of the fathers was generally very sceptical and observed me critically. This unsettled me and I addressed it. ‘You seem very critical of the whole thing. Is that so?”
Direct feedback
Criticism and encouraging suggestions
He was surprised by my directness. I encouraged him: ‘That’s fine, I’m happy for you to speak your thoughts out loud and help me explain things better! Then he began. ‘That’s all rubbish. As if I hadn’t tried talking and understanding. It’s no use, it still boils down to saying no and being the stronger one.’
Small changes
Encouragement for a small step
I’ve heard this argument before. It often comes from parents who are very discouraged and have often tried to do things differently. I told him exactly that. Then I asked him to give the method a chance. ‘If you don’t pick up anything that makes sense for you today, that’s fine, you’ve tried. And I invite you to try one little thing.’ ‘What would that be?’
‘For the next week, try listening more often than talking yourself when you’re with your child. Just that.’ The father was sceptical and then had to grin sheepishly. He agreed.
Outcome
When I met him again two weeks later at the leisure centre, he approached me. ‘Maybe I’ll give Positive Discipline a try after all. It was totally crazy what talking less did to me. I’ve loosened up a lot and the boy doesn’t keep talking back to me!’ I was very pleased with this feedback. ‘You’ve already started with Positive Discipline. That sounds great, I’m delighted with this feedback! Thank you!’ Sometimes we need small steps, just like children. We can start small.
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